Monthly Archives: November 2009

Today’s Proverb

Posted on November 29, 2009 | Leave a comment

Man will stand a long time with mouth open, waiting for roast duck to fly in.

–Chinese proverb

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Today’s Fifty Word Mini-Saga

Posted on November 25, 2009 | Leave a comment

The black ship sailed expertly behind with no crew, no captain. When we tacked, it tacked. When we jibed, it blocked our wind. Finally, we scuttled and sank our ship rather than be taken by God knows what. We lowered the life boats, pulled hard for the fog and prayed.

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Donny Osmond Reveals Face Transplant From Own Backside

Posted on November 24, 2009 | Leave a comment

Hollywood, CA - “I didn’t want to tell anyone until the Dancing With the Stars season was over, but the speculation has just gotten to be a huge distraction,” said Mr. Osmond. “My face was burned horribly in fire five years ago. I spent nine months in seclusion and the only therapy available was a massive skin graft from my butt. It wasn’t a full face transplant, just the smile and both cheeks. I can’t tell the difference now,” said Osmond.

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Today’s Latin Phrase

Posted on November 23, 2009 | Leave a comment

Si EGO told vos vos had a decorus somes would vos habitum is obviam mihi?
(If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?)

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Today’s Proverb

Posted on November 23, 2009 | Leave a comment

The dog’s kennel is not the place to keep a sausage.

–Danish proverb

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Majority Of Republicans Believe In Tinkerbell

Posted on November 20, 2009 | 2 Comments

Washington, DC – A new Zogby poll published today indicates that 55.4% of Republicans believe in Tinkerbell.  “We are the party of magical thinking and Tinkerbell is part of that,” said Republican national chairman Michael Steele. Twenty eight percent indicated they did not believe in Tinkerbell and 16.6% said they were undecided.

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Today’s Proverb

Posted on November 19, 2009 | Leave a comment

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.

–African proverb

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Endings

Posted on November 17, 2009 | Leave a comment

Endings

Mr. Lincoln died
In a tiny, crowded room at the end
Of a narrow hallway.
They laid him at an angle across the small bed, knees up.
His blood on the linen sheets smelled like warm copper pennies.
After the death rattle,
Mr. Stanton said, “now he belongs to the ages,”
Though some thought he said “angels.”

Crows skittered on the roof under an iron sky.
Reporters in the street were suddenly still.
Later, the linen bed sheets,
Coppery brown and ruined,
Were burned on a pile of leaves
While the crows watched.

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Today’s Epigram

Posted on November 17, 2009 | Leave a comment

Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse.

–Groucho Marx

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Today’s Epigram

Posted on November 16, 2009 | Leave a comment

a politician is an arse upon
which everyone has sat except a man.
—e. e. cummings

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Today’s Anagram

Posted on November 16, 2009 | Leave a comment

Anagrams for “Guantanamo”:

A Gaunt Moan

A Toga Unman

Man At Guano

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Today In History

Posted on November 11, 2009 | Leave a comment

November 12, 1035 - Knut “The Great”,  King of the Danes died. His body was placed in a traditional longboat with a company of servants. The boat was set ablaze and sent out to sea. His royal consort, Queen Sabina declined to accompany him saying “he wasn’t THAT great.”

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Today’s Epigram

Posted on November 9, 2009 | Leave a comment

If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.
–Catherine the Great

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Forgetfulness

Posted on November 7, 2009 | Leave a comment

FORGETFULNESS is like a song
That, freed from beat and measure, wanders.
Forgetfulness is like a bird whose wings are reconciled,
Outspread and motionless, –
A bird that coasts the wind unwearyingly.
Forgetfulness is rain at night,
Or an old house in a forest, — or a child.
Forgetfulness is white, — white as a blasted tree,
And it may stun the sybil into prophecy,
Or bury the Gods.
I can remember much forgetfulness.

- Hart Crane
American Symbolist Poet
(1899 – 1932)

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How To Order Coffee In Ebonics

Posted on November 6, 2009 | Leave a comment

Double tall skinny caramel latte slap mah fro!

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Today’s Poem By Bukowski

Posted on November 6, 2009 | Leave a comment

8 Count

from my bed
I watch 3 birds
on a telephone
wire.
one flies
off.
then
another.
one is left,
then
it too
is gone.
my typewriter is
tombstone
still.
and I am
reduced to bird
watching.
just thought I’d
let you
know,
fucker.

–Charles Bukowski

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Executions In Texas To Be Broadcast On Pay-Per-View

Posted on November 5, 2009 | Leave a comment

Houston, TX – The Texas state Board of Prisons has granted Great Roundup Media an exclusive contract to broadcast executions on closed-circuit, pay-per-view cable television. “This is the frontier in reality television and we are proud to be a part of it,” said CEO Ken Anderson. “Executions used to be public in this country until the liberals took over. But the great state of Texas wants to see people receive the ultimate justice and we are happy to oblige. I just wish we could bring back the electric chair or even the gallows. That would be better graphically speaking. Of course we won’t allow just any advertising. We want to preserve the dignity of the occasion,” said Anderson.

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Conservative Song Contest

Posted on November 4, 2009 | Leave a comment

The Republican party has lost it’s pop culture mojo. Gone are the tear jerkin’ good old days when John Ashcroft sang “Let The Eagle Soar” in throbbing tremolo at the first Bush inauguration. It was a moment that turned the knees of real patriots to jello. The path to GOP resurgence is not to act like Democrats! Michael Steele’s desire to appeal to “urban hip hop” voters be damned. We are the party of red, WHITE, and blue. Let’s go back to the American roots music that gave us years of running rough over everybody who got in our way. I’m proposing a Country Song contest to help us get our pride back. Here are a few suggested titles for starters:

Praise the Lord and Pass the Superstition

Give Me Guns, God and the GOP or I’ll Blow Up My Beloved Country

I’d Rather Be Nailin’ Sarah Palin (And I Voted For Her Twice)

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Today’s Epigram

Posted on November 1, 2009 | Leave a comment

“The greatest gift is the power to estimate correctly the value of things. “

–Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld

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