Dear Mr. Mechanic,
I’m tired of going out with self-absorbed jerks. What happened to all the great guys that used to hang out together and work on their cars? I dated a guy in high school who was cute, funny and always smelled slightly of gasoline. I loved him and found the smell very sexy. He and his friends were fun to be with and didn’t take things too seriously. Where do I find those those type of guys today?
–Looking In The Wrong Places
Dear Looking,
Cheer up, darlin’. Those guys are still out there. There is just one problem — they are all sixty years old. If you don’t mind dating a guy who thinks Green Day is when they close the golf course for lawn maintenance, you are set. No, honestly here is what you do. You look up on The Google where the nearest race track is. Go there on a Saturday, sit in the stands and be sure to dress a little tacky. You know what I’m sayin’? Skin tight dress, big earrings, red lipstick. Guys are simple beings and you need to get their attention. Between heats (races) wander down to the pits (where they work on the cars) and act interested in what is going on. You don’t have to know jack about cars, just act interested. If you don’t get at least three date offers from nice guys before the last race is over, call me. In fact, just skip the track and call me.
–Mr. Mechanic
