Dear Mr. Biologist,
I am reasonably good-looking, healthy, 24 year-old guy with a decent job. But I have a problem. I am color blind. My friends have tried to help me pick clothes and so on, but no matter what, I end up looking like I just blew in from Hicksville. It is seriously affecting my ability to find dates. Women look at me like I was raised by wolves. Any suggestions?
–Kinda Blind
Dear Kinda,
Your problem is fairly common. Biologically speaking, there is a good reason for your color blindness. Much of human ancestry lived in caves at some point, but your relatives were some of the last to leave. Color perception doesn’t help much in cave life. Your ancestors were successful, because they passed their genes on to you. Cave dwellers also used wolves as baby sitters and wolves are as color blind as they come. A wolf can’t tell pink from purple or peuce. Women know this instinctively. When it comes to finding potential mates, the trick is to find someone who is on your extended family tree, but far enough away to avoid making the Hicksville problem even worse. Look for women who have translucent skin, poor eyesight and live in basement apartments with large, angry dogs. Happy hunting.
